I don’t know where, why or when……but somewhere between now and my last blog……the climate has changed. The sun is shining- everything looks and feels so much better in the sun. No. I’m not talking about the weather, I’m talking about a climate change in me. No. I haven’t been drinking! Well not yet anyway!
I don’t really know what to attribute the change to – work hasn’t been any easier, my studying hasn’t eased up, my friends and family haven’t all moved down south to be near by, nor have I won the lottery and am on the cusp of living in the lifestyle I dream of! Yes, the hormones have left on mass, but they are sure to make a reappearance very soon! I haven’t had more contact from afghan to boost my major ‘battery’ (that sounds sleazy, but it’s not meant to be!). I just feel better.
What I have been doing is a bit of planning, things to look forward to. Things for the major and I to do together, when he returns from tour. Yeah I appreciate that I’m not going to make up for a whole six months of not seeing each other, but I’m going to make damn sure he enjoys being back in Blighty! I also have huge reservations about planning a future given that he is currently on tour in a hostile area, and that he’s not even half way through that tour. I book something and then feel guilty for assuming that he will be able to do it, and then feel guilty for thinking that something bad might happen to him between now and then. There are no guarantees in life, regardless of whether or not you are in a safe or hostile environment. If anything, my work highlights this to me on a daily basis. Today I had a conversation with a patient who wanted guarantees that they would be here to spend Christmas with their family…..no one has that power! Especially not me! And treatment is going well for them. My next ‘chat’ was with a relative to help them see that their loved one was not going to be able to recover from this episode in hospital and that time was limited and that they should tell their loved one the things they want them to know. All this before I’d even had my morning coffee! Jeez!
So i’m planning fun things to do with the major- it’s a must! Having things to look forward to, time spent together, doing what you enjoy (mind out the gutter folks!) makes the time apart seem less scary. Particularly when I have planned wee things that I know he will love (bike rides with picnics, afternoon tea with champers- he’s very in touch with his feminine side) and a few big things- a city break to Prague, flights to San Fran in October (excited much!).
Life is precious. Too precious to worry about all the things that could possibly happen, but possibly won’t! So folks tell your loved ones that you love them, and no that doesn’t mean a big card on valentines day, tell them in your own way everyday, that way it’s more special. Don’t let life pass you by.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure in the not so dim and distant future, I will start to fret more (again!), worry about everything (again!), and feel generally less sunny in my disposition (again!)! I’m a woman, therefore I’m allowed. But at the moment I’m going with the flow and doing what any couple would normally be doing, and that’s planning a future. And right now I’m so excited about it I could pee my pants!!!! 😉 x